A Day in the Life of Ben Witherington
5:30am – Ben wakes up to the cheerful chirps of his Wall-E alarm clock.
5:45am – After getting dressed, Ben looks into the mirror and says to himself, “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.”
6:30am – Ben arrives at the office to check his email.
7-9:00am – Ben looks at pictures of cats.
9:15am – Ben calls N.T. Wright to discuss his latest appearance in TIME, and to complement him on the appearance of his beard.
10:30am – Ben checks his blogs for comments.
11:15am – Ben has a lunch consisting of carrots, celery, and self-righteousness.
12:00pm – Ben takes a stroll on the campus of Asbury. After seeing an interesting pile of detritus, Ben is moved to tears and writes an epic poem about it.
1-5:00pm – Ben grades papers and teaches a New Testament class. Ben emerges from class very happy having made a Koine joke that one student laughed at.
5:30pm – Ben arrives home and gets to work on a blog that criticizes conservatives for mixing religion and politics. Ben concludes the piece by reminding us that socialism is truest to the Gospel.
6:30pm – Ben watches a romantic family comedy.
8:30pm – Ben tries to think of synonyms for awesome to describe the movie.
9:00pm – Ben sets his Wall-E alarm clock and goes to bed.
March 13th, 2009 at 9:14 pm
I find this strangely believable.
March 14th, 2009 at 11:26 pm
I do like old Ben, I just find his blog to be a bit much.
March 17th, 2009 at 2:01 pm
Hi Jeremiah:
My friend Joel Green sent me this link. Imagine my surprise when I discovered someone had been following me around and recorded a verbatim of an actual day in my life— especially the self-righteous part! Well done.
Unfortunately, you don’t know me at all, I doubt we have ever met, and it’s a huge mistake to judge someone on the basis of a blog which is simply intended to spark interesting conversation amongst Christians.
Blessings on you anyhow,
BW3
P.S. Sing three choruses of the old Three Dog Night hit ‘Joy to the World’ in penance… it begins ‘Jeremiah was a bullfrog, he was a good friend of mine. I never understood a single word he said……’
March 17th, 2009 at 3:00 pm
Alas, Ben, you are correct. I do not know you, and I hope you will not take this personally. It is just a caricature based on your blog, and I meant no harm. In truth, I never expected it would cross your eyes, but I was meeting with Prof. Green and another student and the student mentioned it to Prof. Green. In regards to “Joy to the World”, I have nightmares about being forced to listen to that song again and again. I’ll just have to hope this transgression is covered by PSA.
March 17th, 2009 at 3:02 pm
P.P.S. I trust you know that my response was a St. Paddy’s Day jest….. and I took your post as humor as well.
Blessings,
BW3
March 17th, 2009 at 3:13 pm
No worries, Ben. I promise I’ll still look at your cat/dog/squirrel pictures in the future.
March 17th, 2009 at 10:40 pm
If Joel is sending Ben to your blog, perhaps Ben could send N.T. Wright to mine…
May 22nd, 2009 at 1:16 am
This is an official complaint that you no longer blog. Be boring and at least post your book reviews from Joel or something like that. I always post my academic work when I have no creative thoughts.
I miss getting in your head through your writing, yo.